Why did the tortoise cross the road? Encounters with the daredevil Testudines of Eastern Europe

Having both grown up in Cornwall, we are well-accustomed to sharing the road with members of the animal kingdom. And so, as we drove East and the distinction between field and freeway became fainter, dodging the herds of farm animals populating our path came as second nature.

Rounding the corner of a main Albanian highway to find an adult tortoise in the middle of the road did, however, come as something of a surprise. For a creature typically portrayed as wise and cautious, he was displaying decidedly ‘harey’ behaviour.

Screeching to a stop, we had no choice but to get out and lift the animal off the tarmac, a) in order to pass by and b) in the hope of preserving the fellow from subsequent motorists … that this made for a great photo was a fortuitous consequence and nothing more.

“What a silly tortoise” we said to ourselves afterwards, convinced this was a one-off, “thank goodness we were there to save it.”

But then it happened again. And again, and again.

Greece again

And later in Greece

We have therefore reached the only logical conclusion that the tortoises of South Eastern Europe are a reckless species, with little regard to the sanctity of life. A deduction that was only clarified when, on Alice’s fourth courageous rescue mission, the specimen in question attempted to sabotage her efforts by promptly emptying its reptilian bowels all over her bare feet.